1 COR 16:14
Do everything in love.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
The one prayer God always answers....
I recently lost my dog who I had for 10 years. It hurt my tummy much more than I had expected. The whole experience was quite profound actually. I know it was because I prayed the prayer that God always answers.
It was early January and I was at a retreat. I had been in New York the week prior, came home, got locked out of my house, spent the night with my sister (since my friend had the only key and the roads were stil very icy and she had a baby and we couldn't get to her until the morning when the tempature was finally supposed to drop), picked up my dog the next morning from the same friend, then went home and worked all day. Just as I was headed out to leave for the retreat that evening, I noticed how big my doggie's belly was and called and asked my sister if she wouldn't mind taking her to the vet the next morning. She was upset because she had seen her tummy as well that afternoon and thought I needed to run her up myself right then because it may be a problem. I told her I couldn't make my friend late for the retreat and it was probably just too many treats or maybe she even ate a toy.
My doggie's name was Thelma. Oh did I love her. I still do and I miss her very much. I know she was just a dog and not a person, but she was my best buddy. We were always together and she loved me no matter how I looked, what I did, how rich or poor I was, regardless of what kind of car I drove or what size my clothes were...she just loved me plain and simple. We went everywhere together. I took her in my car always and we went for walks in the neighborhood. I couldn't walk her at the park because she was dog aggressive whenever she was on a leash or behind a window. But when she was free to be with dogs she was fine and enjoyed doggies of all types and sizes. She was a protector, a hunter and a runner. She could jump a 4 1/2 foot fence in the blink of an eye. Her three favorite things to do where: to escape from my house and run freely for about an hour or so roaming through the woods nearby (I would be sick to my stomach anytime this happened because there were also roads nearby), to be on high alert looking for other dogs whether it be while riding around town in the car, sitting on my bed peering out a window as she waited for a dog to walk by, or looking at the dining room window, standing on her back legs with the two front sitting on the window sill...all 70 lbs of herself...or going for a walk. She will do circles if I put on a hat or tennis shoes, sliding all over the hardwoods, following me hoping I would grab the leash. Then most of the time it ended up being her walk not mine. She was a very strong dog. This was our fun time together! I haven't gone on a walk yet since she passed. I might need to find a new route.
When I got the text while at the retreat, it was from dear friend who had taken my dog up to the vet for me. My sister met her there also. They were concerned, it didn't look good per the vet. I dialed the vet and one of the nicest girl's anwered. She knew my sister and had said that my sister in law was there too. All three of them where there with Thelma, to love on her since I wasn't. It made my heart melt. I felt so loved and cared for that day. I will never forget how I felt deep in my heart when she told me that.
The next part was not so good news. She went on to tell me the doctor found bleeding in Thelma's tummy and the girls had already left and were taking her to the animal hospital. I cried so hard. I called my friend she didn't answer. I called my sister, no answer. I called my sister in law and she answered. I just balled and balled and balled. She sat on the other end and let me cry. I went through two entire packets of kleenex in less than 10 minutes. I remember when I got ready to make the call, I picked this particular spot on a hill overlooking all of the acres of the ranch covered in snow, it was breath-taking. I said to myself this is what I want to look out to as I make this call as my gutt was telling me it was not going to be good news. I starred out into God's prestine creation.
For some reason it was in that moment, when I feel like I began to come to the realization that Thelma was sick and was going to die. She would live for another 10 days but I know that is when I first digested the situation at hand. And I hadn't even spoken with a doctor yet at that point. Soon after, my friend briefed me and confirmed how serious it was. She was so sad. My sister couldn't even get on the phone with me she was heart-broken. We had personal time at this point at our retreat, so I just went back and laid in my bed and cried, while everyone else went on walks, etc. My sweet room mate had texted me to ask how I was and she said to come meet her at lunch if I felt like it.
Before I went I toiled with what to do-should I go home? Is my dog going to make it through the night? Am I putting a dog first over God if I leave? How will I get home? If I just rush out of here am I allowing my flesh to take over and not trust in God? I felt as if I would betray God if I left.
The first night of the retreat we focused on Matthew 11:28:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
If I got up and left I would not be "coming to Him," so I thought. The other point that was mentioned to us is "to remain in Him." This pierced my heart. This was personal to me-I struggle with remaining in Christ. I come to Him often but I needed to remain in Him. And this is what I wanted and want always. Could I do it this time...in such a crisis?
As I was walking to lunch my mine was chaotic. I called my dad to see if he could come get me; he said no. My sister in law offered to drive 90 minutes each way to get me (they have 3 kids) and I just felt too bad having her do that. I even thought about calling the car service I use for work to come and get me. It was so ironic to me that I rode with someone else. I always drive my own car everywhere. As I look back, I am sure God had planned for me not to drive this time. Because if I had my own car, I am 90% sure I would have left that afternoon and if so-I would have missed out on the insight given to us later that night, about the one prayer God always answers. That prayer sustained me through the whole experience.
When I walked into lunch the first thing my sweet friend said was that I could take her car back to Atlanta and she would find a ride back if I needed to leave. I just hugged her. I went on to tell her how guilty I had felt about leaving and also about staying. My friend made me feel like I must come home and yet I felt as if I would not be "remaining" in Him if I just up and left. I know what it is like to "remain in Him" and I wanted to do this.
Immediately after I had explained my dilemma to the ladies at the table (let's be honest I was at a Christian Womens Retreat, I was looking for their perspective on the situation) and they had all said it would be ok to go home that God isn't a God that would get angry with us in a situation like this, a text came through stating there were no doctors there to do the sonogram until the morning, so no reason for me to come home. I was so excited. I knew in my heart Thelma would make it through the night because I was allowing myself to expect that from God.
I can sit her now and honestly tell you I still don't know what I would have done if I had my own car. I probably would have driven home that afternoon and left. I am so glad I didn't.
To be continued.......
It was early January and I was at a retreat. I had been in New York the week prior, came home, got locked out of my house, spent the night with my sister (since my friend had the only key and the roads were stil very icy and she had a baby and we couldn't get to her until the morning when the tempature was finally supposed to drop), picked up my dog the next morning from the same friend, then went home and worked all day. Just as I was headed out to leave for the retreat that evening, I noticed how big my doggie's belly was and called and asked my sister if she wouldn't mind taking her to the vet the next morning. She was upset because she had seen her tummy as well that afternoon and thought I needed to run her up myself right then because it may be a problem. I told her I couldn't make my friend late for the retreat and it was probably just too many treats or maybe she even ate a toy.
My doggie's name was Thelma. Oh did I love her. I still do and I miss her very much. I know she was just a dog and not a person, but she was my best buddy. We were always together and she loved me no matter how I looked, what I did, how rich or poor I was, regardless of what kind of car I drove or what size my clothes were...she just loved me plain and simple. We went everywhere together. I took her in my car always and we went for walks in the neighborhood. I couldn't walk her at the park because she was dog aggressive whenever she was on a leash or behind a window. But when she was free to be with dogs she was fine and enjoyed doggies of all types and sizes. She was a protector, a hunter and a runner. She could jump a 4 1/2 foot fence in the blink of an eye. Her three favorite things to do where: to escape from my house and run freely for about an hour or so roaming through the woods nearby (I would be sick to my stomach anytime this happened because there were also roads nearby), to be on high alert looking for other dogs whether it be while riding around town in the car, sitting on my bed peering out a window as she waited for a dog to walk by, or looking at the dining room window, standing on her back legs with the two front sitting on the window sill...all 70 lbs of herself...or going for a walk. She will do circles if I put on a hat or tennis shoes, sliding all over the hardwoods, following me hoping I would grab the leash. Then most of the time it ended up being her walk not mine. She was a very strong dog. This was our fun time together! I haven't gone on a walk yet since she passed. I might need to find a new route.
When I got the text while at the retreat, it was from dear friend who had taken my dog up to the vet for me. My sister met her there also. They were concerned, it didn't look good per the vet. I dialed the vet and one of the nicest girl's anwered. She knew my sister and had said that my sister in law was there too. All three of them where there with Thelma, to love on her since I wasn't. It made my heart melt. I felt so loved and cared for that day. I will never forget how I felt deep in my heart when she told me that.
The next part was not so good news. She went on to tell me the doctor found bleeding in Thelma's tummy and the girls had already left and were taking her to the animal hospital. I cried so hard. I called my friend she didn't answer. I called my sister, no answer. I called my sister in law and she answered. I just balled and balled and balled. She sat on the other end and let me cry. I went through two entire packets of kleenex in less than 10 minutes. I remember when I got ready to make the call, I picked this particular spot on a hill overlooking all of the acres of the ranch covered in snow, it was breath-taking. I said to myself this is what I want to look out to as I make this call as my gutt was telling me it was not going to be good news. I starred out into God's prestine creation.
For some reason it was in that moment, when I feel like I began to come to the realization that Thelma was sick and was going to die. She would live for another 10 days but I know that is when I first digested the situation at hand. And I hadn't even spoken with a doctor yet at that point. Soon after, my friend briefed me and confirmed how serious it was. She was so sad. My sister couldn't even get on the phone with me she was heart-broken. We had personal time at this point at our retreat, so I just went back and laid in my bed and cried, while everyone else went on walks, etc. My sweet room mate had texted me to ask how I was and she said to come meet her at lunch if I felt like it.
Before I went I toiled with what to do-should I go home? Is my dog going to make it through the night? Am I putting a dog first over God if I leave? How will I get home? If I just rush out of here am I allowing my flesh to take over and not trust in God? I felt as if I would betray God if I left.
The first night of the retreat we focused on Matthew 11:28:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
If I got up and left I would not be "coming to Him," so I thought. The other point that was mentioned to us is "to remain in Him." This pierced my heart. This was personal to me-I struggle with remaining in Christ. I come to Him often but I needed to remain in Him. And this is what I wanted and want always. Could I do it this time...in such a crisis?
As I was walking to lunch my mine was chaotic. I called my dad to see if he could come get me; he said no. My sister in law offered to drive 90 minutes each way to get me (they have 3 kids) and I just felt too bad having her do that. I even thought about calling the car service I use for work to come and get me. It was so ironic to me that I rode with someone else. I always drive my own car everywhere. As I look back, I am sure God had planned for me not to drive this time. Because if I had my own car, I am 90% sure I would have left that afternoon and if so-I would have missed out on the insight given to us later that night, about the one prayer God always answers. That prayer sustained me through the whole experience.
When I walked into lunch the first thing my sweet friend said was that I could take her car back to Atlanta and she would find a ride back if I needed to leave. I just hugged her. I went on to tell her how guilty I had felt about leaving and also about staying. My friend made me feel like I must come home and yet I felt as if I would not be "remaining" in Him if I just up and left. I know what it is like to "remain in Him" and I wanted to do this.
Immediately after I had explained my dilemma to the ladies at the table (let's be honest I was at a Christian Womens Retreat, I was looking for their perspective on the situation) and they had all said it would be ok to go home that God isn't a God that would get angry with us in a situation like this, a text came through stating there were no doctors there to do the sonogram until the morning, so no reason for me to come home. I was so excited. I knew in my heart Thelma would make it through the night because I was allowing myself to expect that from God.
I can sit her now and honestly tell you I still don't know what I would have done if I had my own car. I probably would have driven home that afternoon and left. I am so glad I didn't.
To be continued.......
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